Shades of Grey

Today I got to thinking about what we, as Believers, are to do when we see another Believer doing something that we don't think they should be doing.

And so I spent an little time digging around in The Word to see what it had to say.

Please know that my humble blog post is simply that. My humble findings as I sought to find some answers.

Please, do not take this as all there is in Scripture on this subject.

Just know that I wanted to share what I found, because I think this is something we all may wonder about and need to know.

OK, back to the subject at hand....

Now, sometimes that "thing" is black and white sin.

And Scripture tells us what to do.

"Be alert. If you see your friend going wrong, 

correct him. If he responds, forgive him.

Even if it's personal against you

and repeated seven times through the day,

and seven times he says, 'I'm sorry,

I won't do it again,' forgive him."

--

Luke 17:3-4

•

If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—

work it out between the two of you.

If he listens, you've made a friend.

If he won't listen, take one or two others along

so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest,

and try again. If he still won't listen, tell the church.

If he won't listen to the church,

you'll have to start over from scratch,

confront him with the need for repentance,

and offer again God's forgiving love. 

--

Mathew 18:15-17

• 

Go easy on those who hesitate in the faith.

Go after those who take the wrong way.

Be tender with sinners, but not soft on sin.

The sin itself stinks to high heaven. 

--

Jude 22-23

And sometimes it's not necessarily black and white.

Sometimes it's just something that we feel is wrong for us.

And so, we start to think it is wrong for everyone else, too.

Forget about deciding what's right for each other. 

Here's what you need to be concerned about:

that you don't get in the way of someone else,

making life more difficult than it already is.

 --

Romans 14:13

•

Cultivate your own relationship with God, 

but don't impose it on others.

--

Romans 14:22

•

Don't pick on people, jump on their failures,

criticize their faults— unless, of course,

you want the same treatment.

That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging.

It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face

and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own.

Do you have the nerve to say,

'Let me wash your face for you,'

when your own face is distorted by contempt?

It's this whole traveling road-show mentality

all over again, playing a holier-than-thou

part instead of just living your part.

Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face,

and you might be fit to offer

a washcloth to your neighbor. 

--

Matthew 7:1-5

So, do I just sit back and stew if I am concerned about my brother or sister and what they are doing?

Do I just go along and "live and let live"?

Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior:

Ask yourself what you want people to do for you,

then grab the initiative and do it for them.

Add up God's Law and Prophets and this is what you get. 

--

Matthew 7:12

•

Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray.

Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers,

letting God know your concerns.

Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness,

everything coming together for good,

will come and settle you down.

It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces

worry at the center of your life. 

--

Philippians 4:6

I think that first of all we should pray for them. We should lay our concern before the Lord. 

Make your worry a prayer request.

And ask the Lord for the opportunity and the words to share your concern.

Watch the way you talk... Say only what helps, each word a gift.

--

Ephesians 4:29

•

Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting,

profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive.

--

Ephesians 4:31

As I looked through The Word this afternoon, what really jumped out at me is that I need to make sure that I am living a life wholly devoted to my Lord. 

I have enough on my own plate to be worrying about what is on yours!

I want to live in a way that points others to Jesus, instead of pushing them away because of my judgmental criticisms. 

Oh Lord, help me to love You and others with all that I do and say!

It takes time

 

It is illustrated all over life.

Growth takes time.

A huge tree starts out as a tiny seed.

It doesn't just spring up out of the ground one day a full grown tree.

The seed has to be planted in the right conditions – good soil, the right amount of sunlight and water – and given time in order to one day end up with a tree. 

And what about people?

Having carried six little lives within my body – five are currently in my care and one is with Jesus – I have experienced first hand how they each started out as tiny, tiny bits to eventually seemingly growing before our eyes as they dig through the fridge. 

 

Growing from a tiny life within to a grown person takes time. 

  

  

I know this and accept that growth takes time in the physical world, so why have I not made that connection in the spiritual world?

I am starting to see that I believed that spiritual fruit – things like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, etc. – should just suddenly appear in my life (or in others' lives for that matter). 

No wonder I get frustrated with myself for not being more loving or joyful or patient.... growth takes time. But I wasn't allowing for time and the right conditions to produce growth. 

I just want the fruit and I want it now!

But, alas, that is not how God works in our lives.

I am currently reading "Dancing with My Father" by Sally Clarkson. 

In the chapters I read yesterday and this morning she addresses this reality.

"Spiritual training takes place over a long period of time – from baby to mature adult; from immaturity to godly wisdom. Learning to dance isn't an instant accomplishment; it's a lengthy process of learning (and sometimes relearning) to let go of these things that bind us in order to be free to hold the hand of the Lord, as He is the source of joy. He will teach us the dance, but we first must empty our hands so that we are free to hold His hand."

"God is not so much concerned with my immediate gratification as He is with the development of my soul."

 "God doesn't grow us in character and joy quickly. He has a long-term perspective for me. He sees the training process over a period of years and is always seeking to move me ahead in my character."

Growth comes through tests and trials that God allows in our lives.

And growth takes time.

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.  -- James 1:2-4

While we are going through these tests and challenges, it is usually painful or at least not very enjoyable. But going through them and learning in them and from them is worth it.

I was thinking about the joy that comes from passing the tests and how this is illustrated in marriage. 

My husband and I have been married for almost 17 years. 

Not as long as some – as I think of my friend who had been married for 61 years when he went home to be with the Lord – but long enough for me to see the beginnings of the fruit of joy that comes from our growth together in our relationship. 

We had no idea when we were first in love and dating what deep joy would eventually come into our lives as we learned to live and work together as one flesh. I can only imagine that the joy and love will deepen and grow as our children grow and move on to their own lives apart from us. 

These fruits are part of a faithful marriage. 

But they do not come without time, tests and work. 

It may seem as we look at others' lives that they may have it easier than we do. We many not want the trials or tests that God has allowed in our lives.

"Often it seems we would rather have another life – any life – thank our own. Somehow we think if we lived a different life, it would be easier for us to grow in faithfulness and spiritual character. Yet it is in accepting today with all of its issues, in accepting God's will and training grounds that we learn the secret of joy in His presence. It is in being faithful to our own set of tests that we become mature and fitted for the ministry He has called each of us to accomplish. "

 "Our integrity as people of God will come by walking the path that He has given to us. We will not have this fulfillment, satisfaction, or joy if we compromise our ideals and resist the tests that God puts in our pathway."   -- Sally Clarkson in "Dancing with My Father"

Thankfully, we do not have to walk this path alone, nor do this work in our own strength.

We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.  -- Colossians 1:10-12

Yes, growth takes time, but it is so worth it.

New Normal

I've come to realize lately that it is time to start moving out of "Survival Mode" and start moving forward in several areas of my life.

Ever since that wonderful day back in July 2008 when I discovered 5 days after my 40th birthday that God was blessing us with another child I have been in a sort of "Survival Mode"; just getting the basics done, allowing for morning sickness, achy joints, a large swollen belly, exhaustion, then on to the new baby, adjusting to no sleep, nursing again, cloth diapers (yep, had to throw in something new for the 5th baby!), adjusting to 5 instead of 4.....

I really tried to just let myself walk through this time without holding myself to expectations that I had to return to "normal" as fast as possible. I have been trying to enjoy the journey more, trying to let God show me how to do this, instead of trying to live up to impossible expectations I come up with on my own or instead of trying to live up to what I see others doing in their lives.

I have done pretty well with this. I have had my days of sinking into the sea of expectations, but I have come out of those times much quicker than I have in the past. I think that I was able to do this because I allowed myself to "be" instead of "do".  Again, I had my struggles, but I think it helped me so much to remember that I was learning something new, adjusting to a major life change and that it was OK t to take my time and find my way through to a "new normal".

As I have been thinking about this new year and what God has for me and our family, I have been starting feel the nudging that it is time to be seeking what He wants to do in me, how I should be moving into and forward our "new normal."

I have been feeling a new desire to more fully embrace my calling as a wife and mother. To go further and deeper with God. To allow things to be stripped away, to grow and be more of what God has made me to be.

That can be a little overwhelming, to say the least.

Yesterday I was reminded of something my sister shared with me a few years ago when I was struggling with my calling. I was feeling tied down and wanting to be free. God helped her see through my words into my heart. He spoke to me through her and reminded me of what is most important. This is what she said:

"I was thinking some more and remembered some thoughts I had as I was reading through Genesis this past winter. When I read the passage about Noah, I thought that building the ark was a really big job for God to ask Noah to do. Yet God supplied just what he needed to do the job. But Noah had to do the work. God is asking me to do a big job of raising three daughters and be a loving wife. There are days it feels like I'm to build an ark so to speak. Yet God provides just what I need day by day to carry out this job as long as I keep my heart and mind focused on Him. If I do it on my own, it doesn't go well and I want to quit."

 I love that!

While I may not be building a huge boat in the middle of a desert where it has never rained, I am doing a pretty huge task, one that I certainly cannot do on my own. But when I am not connecting with the Lord, when I am not spending time with Him in His Word and in prayer, when I am not thanking Him and praising Him and not asking Him for strength, wisdom and guidance, I might as well be trying to build an ark... because without Him I can do nothing.

I am weak. He is strong.

He is my Provider.

He wants me to do well. And I can only do that when I am focusing and relying on Him.

And so, as I walk forward into my "new normal" I intend to stick close to Him. Staying up close under His wing, letting Him show me the next step to take.

The Now and The Not Yet

The song in the video above came flooding into my mind this morning after I was reading in Philippians and then went on to have a great conversation with my friend Mary.

I love it so much when God uses many different ways to show me something that He is wanting me to learn. He used Philippians 3:7-14 to talk with me about being careful not to judge others for where they are on their journey with Him. This thought continued as I was talking with Mary this morning. We each were sharing different things we are learning and doing in our lives, and we came to the realization that some of the things we are learning could only come through time and mistakes and getting up and trying again. It would be so much easier if someone could have just told us what we needed to learn and we immediately mastered it, but, most lessons need to be learned the hard way --- living through them, making the mistakes, trying one thing and failing and trying another and seeing it work.

I am seeing that I need to be very careful once I have learned something new in my journey with Jesus. I find that it is so easy for me to fall into judging people around me when they have not yet been taught the lessons I have learned. I find myself feeling more "spiritual", more "mature", "more than" them. YUCK!!!

What a dangerous and horrible place to be.

Paul, THE apostle Paul... didn't consider himself as "more than". He saw that even he had not arrived yet.

"I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be." Philippians 3:12

It is so easy for me to spot the mistakes, the flaws, the "less thans" in others. To laugh and put myself above them in my mind. But that is so wrong!

I am NOT "more than" anyone!

We are all on this journey. We all are pressing on to the end of the race, to the prize at the end.

Some started their journey at a different place than I did. Some have fallen down and need a helping hand up. Some need a friend to cheer them on as they push through the pain to keep going.

They certainly do not need someone standing on the sidelines yelling at them that they are doing it all wrong.

The other day I went to my friends' daughters' cross country meet at a local park. As the girls ran past in the pack, I cheered along with her parents when she ran by. As the race went on, I watched as her dad ran across the park to get to where she was heading. He waited there for her to come by and as she was pushing on toward the finish line, he shouted encouragement to her. "Keep going! You can do it! You can do this!"

We all need encouragement to press on, to keep going.

I know I do.

And I want to be that encourager for others in my life. I want to be standing there cheering my friends on to keep going, not telling them that they aren't doing it right.

We are no longer what we were before, but we are not all that we will be.

I want to keep that in mind as I walk this journey, for myself, but also for others.

"No, dear friends, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven." Philippians 3:13-14

"Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works." Hebrews 10:24

"Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:29

Removing What Gets in the Way - Pt. 2

I realized something today.

I am being distracted. There is something in the way of understanding, communication, connection.

But it is going to take a lot more than just a shift of my position so that I can clearly see.

I realized that I have a log in my eye.

A big one.

It's more like a tree.

I think it is big enough to have roots that go way down deep, circling my heart. It definitely affects the way I think.

Because of this log, I do things that I do not want to do (Romans 7:14-24). I judge, I am critical and hurtful with my words. I am impatient and unforgiving and selfish (Luke 6:37-38).

Oh how I need this log removed from my eye.

It's a good thing I know the Gardener.

Lord, please remove this log from my eye. Pull the roots from my heart and mind. Restore my sight so that I may see as You see. 

Where does my help come from?

Tension was settling in on my shoulders, my back, my mind.

The questions that come at times like this started rolling around in my head.

What am I doing wrong?

What do I need to change?

Am I doing enough?

Maybe I need a schedule....

How does she do it? Or what about her?

Their family seems to have it all together, they look happy in their craziness...  how do they do it? Maybe I should ask them....

Last night I was practically marching from one task to another, almost desperate to get each one done, knowing that there was one more to do, and then another. Why is there a part of me that almost seems to enjoy that feeling... the feeling that only I can do this, and "whoa is me! I have so much to do!".... And all the while my tension grew. Relief did not come through accomplishment. Huh.

Quietly You tapped me on the shoulder this morning. You, once again, reminded me that I was looking in the wrong place for relief, for help. That's all it took. Your quiet, gentle reminder. But this stubborn ewe sheep of yours didn't come quickly or easily.

Written thoughts on my journal page became my prayer, my turning my face to You. Thank you for drawing me back, for so patiently, gently reminding me that You are all I need. Ever. You are enough.

Thank you.

Generous

 

Coins given to a sister from a generous heart. 

Lord, You want me to be generous.

You are generous.

You left behind all your riches to become very poor for my sake. Your poverty has made me rich. (2 Corinthians 8:9)

You want me to give from a willing heart, not under pressure, not reluctantly. (2 Corinthians 9:5, 7)

You give me many opportunities to do good. You provide the gifts to give. You grow generosity in my heart. (2 Corinthians 9:10)

Lord, please take the little bit of generosity in my heart and make it grow. Open my eyes to the opportunities you give me to do good. Whisper in my ear, "Here is a way for you to give." Spur me on to show Your love to those you bring my way.

Comforted to Comfort

 

Life had been crazy. Good things, hard things, bad things all whirling together. Sorrow, anger, contemplation, discussions, insights, pain, growth, stripping away, reliance, understanding. All were part of this time of testing, trial, growth. 

Then came calm. The storm had passed. Relief and rest. Ahhhh.

But now, what is this feeling of discontent, disconnection, aimlessness? What now? 

Rest is good. The calm after the storm brings relief and reflection. To remain in this place sounds so good, well deserved. So, why the discomfort? What is causing the staleness?

"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."

2 Corinthians 1:4

I have been been comforted. Now I must give it away. 

During the storm I clung to the Lord. I found His arms wrapped tightly around me, holding me, carrying me, guiding me in the way to go. His Words brought Light and Life. His Spirit gave Counsel, Wisdom, Strength. 

In my emptiness I had been filled. But I have not been created to be a storage jar, to sit on a shelf filled with the goodness of God. I have been created for use by my Creator. He has fashioned me to be used for His glory... to comfort as I have been comforted. 

Fresh water comes in, fills and moves on. It has to keep moving to remain fresh. Stagnant water fills and sits and becomes poison. I must pour out what I receive. I must keep being filled and keep pouring out.

Thank you, Lord, for bringing me through the storm. Thank you for using the storm to teach me, once again, to rely on you, not myself. Thank you for bringing me comfort. Pour me out, Lord. Help me to comfort others as I have been comforted. 

This morning's reading was 2 Corinthians 1:1-11.