Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Where does my help come from?
Tension was settling in on my shoulders, my back, my mind.
The questions that come at times like this started rolling around in my head.
What am I doing wrong?
What do I need to change?
Am I doing enough?
Maybe I need a schedule....
How does she do it? Or what about her?
Their family seems to have it all together, they look happy in their craziness... how do they do it? Maybe I should ask them....
Last night I was practically marching from one task to another, almost desperate to get each one done, knowing that there was one more to do, and then another. Why is there a part of me that almost seems to enjoy that feeling... the feeling that only I can do this, and "whoa is me! I have so much to do!".... And all the while my tension grew. Relief did not come through accomplishment. Huh.
Quietly You tapped me on the shoulder this morning. You, once again, reminded me that I was looking in the wrong place for relief, for help. That's all it took. Your quiet, gentle reminder. But this stubborn ewe sheep of yours didn't come quickly or easily.
Written thoughts on my journal page became my prayer, my turning my face to You. Thank you for drawing me back, for so patiently, gently reminding me that You are all I need. Ever. You are enough.