I've come to realize lately that it is time to start moving out of "Survival Mode" and start moving forward in several areas of my life.
Ever since that wonderful day back in July 2008 when I discovered 5 days after my 40th birthday that God was blessing us with another child I have been in a sort of "Survival Mode"; just getting the basics done, allowing for morning sickness, achy joints, a large swollen belly, exhaustion, then on to the new baby, adjusting to no sleep, nursing again, cloth diapers (yep, had to throw in something new for the 5th baby!), adjusting to 5 instead of 4.....
I really tried to just let myself walk through this time without holding myself to expectations that I had to return to "normal" as fast as possible. I have been trying to enjoy the journey more, trying to let God show me how to do this, instead of trying to live up to impossible expectations I come up with on my own or instead of trying to live up to what I see others doing in their lives.
I have done pretty well with this. I have had my days of sinking into the sea of expectations, but I have come out of those times much quicker than I have in the past. I think that I was able to do this because I allowed myself to "be" instead of "do". Again, I had my struggles, but I think it helped me so much to remember that I was learning something new, adjusting to a major life change and that it was OK t to take my time and find my way through to a "new normal".
As I have been thinking about this new year and what God has for me and our family, I have been starting feel the nudging that it is time to be seeking what He wants to do in me, how I should be moving into and forward our "new normal."
I have been feeling a new desire to more fully embrace my calling as a wife and mother. To go further and deeper with God. To allow things to be stripped away, to grow and be more of what God has made me to be.
That can be a little overwhelming, to say the least.
Yesterday I was reminded of something my sister shared with me a few years ago when I was struggling with my calling. I was feeling tied down and wanting to be free. God helped her see through my words into my heart. He spoke to me through her and reminded me of what is most important. This is what she said:
"I was thinking some more and remembered some thoughts I had as I was reading through Genesis this past winter. When I read the passage about Noah, I thought that building the ark was a really big job for God to ask Noah to do. Yet God supplied just what he needed to do the job. But Noah had to do the work. God is asking me to do a big job of raising three daughters and be a loving wife. There are days it feels like I'm to build an ark so to speak. Yet God provides just what I need day by day to carry out this job as long as I keep my heart and mind focused on Him. If I do it on my own, it doesn't go well and I want to quit."I love that!
While I may not be building a huge boat in the middle of a desert where it has never rained, I am doing a pretty huge task, one that I certainly cannot do on my own. But when I am not connecting with the Lord, when I am not spending time with Him in His Word and in prayer, when I am not thanking Him and praising Him and not asking Him for strength, wisdom and guidance, I might as well be trying to build an ark... because without Him I can do nothing.
I am weak. He is strong.
He is my Provider.
He wants me to do well. And I can only do that when I am focusing and relying on Him.
And so, as I walk forward into my "new normal" I intend to stick close to Him. Staying up close under His wing, letting Him show me the next step to take.