Thursday, February 10, 2011

Pulled Away




I am in the midst of learning several new things.

The Lord has so evidently led our family to do Classical Conversations — a community of families learning to educate our children in the Christian Classical Education method. We are in our third week and we are happy there. We fit. But, it is a new learning curve. It is stepping up and working daily on our Memory Work and English Grammar and Writing and Presentations and Math Facts. While the kids are happy at CC, this is a new learning curve for them as well, so I am needing to encourage them, and work with them as they learn new things (hmmm sounds like homeschooling/life, huh?)

The Lord also has been teaching me about living a life of gratitude. I am working at learning to open my eyes to see evidence of Him through out my day/life.

Also, I am working at learning how to stay more connected with Jesus through out my day.

I've been working at being more compassionate and empathetic, because recently, I have been reminded that I am not very good at either one of those qualities.

I have been working at training my children and working on character issues they each are having.

Do you see a word that is jumping out? (hint: it's bolded)

I love CC, I want to be closer and more connected to God, I am doing things God wants me to do.... I know it.

BUT

As I sat in my chair this morning ready for my quiet time (with my toddler in tow) I felt tired and sad and overwhelmed. I began to wonder if possibly I was on the edge of depression, something I have struggled with in my life. I wondered if there are so many good things in my life, and I was working at staying more connected with Jesus and working at being more purposeful in being grateful, why was I so sad and tired and overwhelmed.

I just started to share my thoughts with Jesus. And asked for help. I pulled out my iPod and my headphones and found the worship song we sang at CC on Tuesday morning, "Our God is Greater", and sat and listened and then began to sing along. Worship drew me in and opened my heart and my eyes.

As I read from Luke this morning, these verses popped off the page.

She had a sister, Mary, who sat before the Master, hanging on every word He said. But Martha was pulled away by all she had to do in the kitchen. -- Luke 10:39-40a msg

I had been pulled away from Jesus by all I had to do.

I had taken over, working in my own strength, my eyes focused on my "work", on my failures, on all that I "had" to do.


"I will instruct you, and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." -- Psalm 32:8 niv

I had followed Jesus to CC. I had followed Him to begin learning about gratitude and focusing on Him. But somewhere along the line I took over and went my own way. I wasn't following Him any more, waiting on Him to show me the next step.

He will show me each step to take, He will give me what I need, He will give me rest. I need to sit at His feet and hang on His every word.



Keep your eyes open for God, watch for His works; be alert for signs of His presence." -- Psalm 105:4

2 comments:

Mary said...

Oh Christa,

This was so beautifully written. So inspired by the Holy Spirit inside of you crying out. We moms are so notorious for doing exactly what you said. We feel Him lead, we follow and then somewhere along the way we butt in line and try to take the lead.

Thank you my friend for sharing so personally and transparently. I love you. XOXO Mary

diary-of-a-christianbookworm said...

christa, i so relate. i have also felt God calling me away from a work-focused, self-reliant, Martha-type attitude, and into a place of rest, trust, love and attentiveness to His wonderful Presence. isn't it a wonderful feeling deep down in your soul when you finally let go and surrender completely into His care?!