Mom in the Middle

In my journey of mothering I am finding myself in a middle place. No longer a brand new mom of many little ones, and not yet anywhere near the finish line, I am smackdab in the middle. I am no longer drowning in diapers and longing for a full night's sleep. I am done potty training and only have one left to teach to read. But, I am by no means done either. I have graduated my firstborn and have four more to go. There are driver's licenses to get, first jobs to find, entrance exams to take. There is Latin to meander through, Algebra, fractions, and Logic. I am finding myself a bit weary, and longing to be where some of my friends are in their journeys. Several of my friends are almost done and dreaming of what the next season of their lives is going to look like. That sounds so good at times. Way too good. 

This feeling has been persistent and I am hearing myself repeating the same old song in my head and outloud. "I am tired if this." I am not feeling excitement about mothering, homemaking, or even homeschooling. I feel blah and uninspired. Then I feel ashamed of feeling that way and try to figure out how to get more disciplined and scheduled and return to a place of joy and inspiration. It always sounds so good in my head, but when it comes to actually working it out....

Don't get me wrong, I love my life, my kids, my husband, and my home. I wouldn't change any part of it. (Well, maybe that's not completely true... There may be a few things I would change...) But, during this past year I found myself a bit lost in the sea of three Challenge aged kids and two Foundations (one also in Essentials) aged kids. (We are a part of a wonderful Classical Conversations community.) I wasn't sure of my role anymore and found myself feeling a little lost. 

I was sharing a little of this with a friend yesterday. As I was talking, she started saying the words, "Do not become weary of doing good." She said this with grace and kindness shining from her eyes, and I felt myself nodding in understanding. The Lord was whispering to my soul, "You are weary, Christa. I understand. Come to Me. Tell me about it. I will give you rest and I will restore you." 

May we never tire of doing what is good and right before our Lord because in His season we shall bring in a great harvest if we can just persist.  

So seize any opportunity the Lord gives you to do good things and be a blessing to everyone, especially those within our faithful family.  

-- Galatians 6:9-10 VOICE

So, this mom in the middle is feeling hope. I see my need to turn from my weariness and turn to my Saviour. The verses below are all verses He sent my way today. I pray they feed your soul as much as they are feeding mine. 

Don’t you know? Haven’t you heard? The Eternal, the Everlasting God, The Creator of the whole world, never gets tired or weary. His wisdom is beyond understanding.  

God strengthens the weary and gives vitality to those worn down by age and care.  

Young people will get tired; strapping young men will stumble and fall. But those who trust in the Eternal One will regain their strength.  

They will soar on wings as eagles. They will run—never winded, never weary. They will walk—never tired, never faint.  

-- Isaiah 40:28-31 VOICE

Abide in me, and I in you.  

-- John 15:4 KJV

I have been crucified with the Anointed One—I am no longer alive—but the Anointed is living in me; and whatever life I have left in this failing body I live by the faithfulness of God’s Son, the One who loves me and gave His body on the cross for me.  

-- Galatians 2:20 VOICE

I know that in me, that is, in my fallen human nature, there is nothing good. I can will myself to do something good, but that does not help me carry it out. 

I am absolutely miserable! Is there anyone who can free me from this body where sin and death reign so supremely?  

I am thankful to God for the freedom that comes through our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One!  

-- Romans 7:18, 24-25 VOICE

So now, my little children, live in Him, so that whenever He is revealed, we will have confidence and not have to hang our heads in shame before Him when He comes.  

-- 1 John 2:28 VOICE

Facing Facts

I have five kids.

A small, large family.

Way more than I ever imagined when I was 20.

Yeah.

I love each and every one of them.

So much it hurts sometimes.

But, wow!

Sometimes life gets pretty crazy around here.

Shoes... everywhere!

Four of these people are girls... (Need I say more?)

I heard this quote once...

"I thought I was such a godly person,
and then I had kids
and I realized how far that was from the truth."

Well... that certainly was true for me.

But, I'm also realizing I am living a new version of that quote.

I thought I was pretty together as a mom
and then I ended up with five kids
and I realized how far that was from the truth!

I can be a bit of a rebel when it comes to "how to" tips.

I have a hard time implementing what works
for someone else in my own home.

I would actually snicker at blog posts
that were about organizing a larger family.

Yeah, well...

Now I'm going to have to eat crow.

Because, I now am starting to see
as I crawl out of the mire of "Survival Mode"
after the addition of Ruthie,
that I need to face facts.

We have a lot of kids.

We have a little house.
(of which I am very thankful for)

I homeschool above mentioned kids.

Above mentioned kids are very creative.

And very prolific in their creativity.

There are many details that can send me over the edge.

So, I am starting by acknowledging the facts.

I desire to discover ways to simplify and streamline
and eliminate some chaos.

Thankfully, I am blessed with several friends who also have lots of kids.

Hint, hint....

So, lay it on me girls!

Help this newly awakened dreamer accept reality.

My Fairy Tale

Homemaking is about making a home --- and a home is a safe place, a refuge, a place to be real and alive and truest true.

Homemaking is not about making perfection.

 

-- Ann VosKamp, @ holy experience

This week I was told my life was like a fairy tale. 

I laughed and shook my head.

They just couldn't know the reality. 

Sure, status comments on Facebook and pictures posted show one side.

But what about the thoughts, the struggles, the darkness, the imperfection, the mess?

There are times I think I want someone else's story to be mine.

There are times that I feel that someone else thinks my story should be different.

Discontent creeps in and whispers in my ears.

But that one comment...

A fairy tale, huh? 

Hmmmm....

I have been given so much. So much that I do not deserve. 

I may not always like what I have been given or where I am or the circumstances I am in, but the reality is, I have been given so much.

And, if I choose to give thanks to God in the midst of it all, contentment will come.

I don't have to have it all together and keep a spotless, perfectly organized, run like clockwork home. 

Life is happening here. 

Lots of it.

I want to embrace it, encourage it, create and laugh, yell and cry. 

I want to be who God made me to be and find out who God made all these bundles of potential to be. 

Is my life a fairy tale?

Yes, it is.

I even have the dragon to prove it....